I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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