did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
