True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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