It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
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What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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