you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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