he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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