Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
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Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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