how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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