She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
