You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
