My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
