what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
