my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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