CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
smell my finger.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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