This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
