dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My pussy is not your playground.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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