He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
