GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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