oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
