KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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