i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I forgot how hot balto sounded
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize