i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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