I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
