:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
