At least make sure they are 18
Why
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
