Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
