im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
