So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
