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Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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