Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
