Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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