The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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