It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
