So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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