i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
