I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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