Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
