I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
