She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
