You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
