all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
someone owes me an orgasm
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!