U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.