just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.