you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
