a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.