Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.