my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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