No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
