She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
