Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
