I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
