actually, I'm a sock model
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
