9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
