So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
