And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
