just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
