Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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