My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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