Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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