i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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