I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
