I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
