my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
